love to hate, hate to me;

so today hasn't been the best of days. i went to work... it sucked. as usual. i took an hour and 20 minutes break when i'm only supposed to have 45 minutes... like i care, i didn't feel well so stfu. me and claire just dossed around most of the day anyways. and then when we were cashing up i told tom it was my last sunday for a while since i'm going to aus and all that jazz. and he said he didn't know that and that we wouldn't see each other again cause he's off to uni in september. :( so i got his mobile number off of him (rather late i know) and he said he'll get msn too so we can chat it up on there as well <3 yay. we said our goodbye with a hug as you naturally do when you're tight ass friends like that. lol. after work i went home, watched the remaining hour of charlie and the chocolate factory (old version) and then began filling out my UCAS form for uni. chris text me saying he wasn't gunna ring me cause of something i had said in a text message to him earlier on but it's not exactly my fault. how am i supposed to act when my bf is saying how much he wants some... i'm not a piece of fucking meat. besides, i don't want sex. i just want hugs, lots and lots of hugs. cause i just feel so shit at the moment. it's been 9 days since i last saw him now, and it hurts. but he did end up phoning me tonight anyways cause i said i was sorry for what i wrote and he apologised too. he said it hurt him that i would think he only wants me for sex. but hey, what else am i supposed to think when i havn't exactly had the best of luck with guys in the past. i just want him to really love me. and he says he does. but sometimes i can't help doubt it, and not because of anything to do with him, just because i can never figure out why he actually would, and how he actually could. i mean, what is there about me to love?